“Ask a Priest: How Should I React When Gay “Spouses” Want a Baby?”

Q: I work with a girl who is married to another girl and they are planning on going through the insemination process to have a baby. I get along with this girl well, and we have a great relationship. However, I do not agree with what she is doing and I was wondering when she invites me to the baby shower or once she gets pregnant, how should I handle this? I want to be respectful yet want her to know I do not support that type of behavior. Would appreciate your advice. Thanks so much! — J

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: This situation is a sad commentary on the state of modernity. You might want to check out my an earlier post I wrote HERE.

Beyond that, the act of artificial insemination to produce a baby is a grave offense against the child. Children have a right to be conceived in love within a stable marriage between a man and a woman. This artificial procedure treats children like products to be manufactured, not as gifts of God to be welcomed.

This procedure also involves a morally illicit act by the man providing the seed. Moreover, the intention of these partners is to effectively deny giving the child a father figure.

Whether there is anything to celebrate in all this is hard to see. Perhaps your obvious lack of enthusiasm for these plans would send a signal to this woman and make her rethink what she is doing. That is a long shot, but it’s worth a try.

On the other hand, your silence over these matters and/or attendance at the “festive” events could be construed as your support for both the “marriage” and the artificial means that led to the birth of the baby. This could be a cause of scandal, especially to someone who perceives you as a practicing Christian.

It is notable that you mention having a “great relationship” with this co-worker. Great relationships ideally are those where people help each other either grow in holiness or move closer to the truth.

Holiness and truth are not incompatible, of course, but I mention truth because even a non-believer who seeks it can benefit from the presence of a committed Christian.

Would you consider your relationship with her great because you can share your faith with her? Could you share your concerns with her about the well-being of a child brought into a same-sex relationship?

Now might be a good moment for you to be a true friend. Instead of waiting for your friend to move ahead with the artificial insemination, why not invite her out to lunch and have a nice, long, heart-to-heart conversation about why you believe what you believe, and why you believe that the path she is following will not lead her to happiness, since it is a path that travels far away from God’s beautiful dream for our lives?

You cannot predict how she may respond to that conversation, but as her friend, a conversation like that could be a true moment of grace.

I’ll just leave these questions with you for now. At times we have “great relationships” with people with peculiar lifestyles because we don’t challenge them in a loving way.

Perhaps this is something to take to prayer. In any case, this woman and her partner and “their” baby will need lots of prayer.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspirituality.org and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…