“Ask a Priest: Should I Date Someone Who Isn’t a Virgin?”

Q: I recently asked a young woman to be my girlfriend and she said yes, but soon after that she told me that she isn’t a virgin. I told her that it doesn’t matter, but on the inside, I feel very sad and anguished. I don’t know if I should keep dating her now. I don’t know what to do. – J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s understandable that you would be looking for an ideal girlfriend. That is your choice.

If the young woman has confessed her past sins, then God has forgiven her.

People make mistakes. If she seems contrite and is committed to having a chaste relationship, you might consider giving her a chance.

It’s one thing for a person to have had a one-time fall that she regrets. It’s a different case if someone had been cohabitating or behaving promiscuously for years and shrugged it off.

If you don’t feel comfortable giving her a chance, you might ask yourself how you will deal with any woman who either has made mistakes in the past or who will make mistakes in the future.

A big part of marriage is the ability of spouses to forgive each other for all kinds of failings.

Sometimes, people who have made mistakes and who then find someone who accepts them despite the mistakes, can turn out to be extremely loyal and loving.

In any case, if you find it emotionally hard to accept this young woman’s mistake, you are not obliged to date her further.

Perhaps this is something to take to prayer. Pray for your friend, too. She, like most people, is a work in progress. And possibly a saint in the making.

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