“Ask a Priest: I Had a Fall With My Girlfriend. What Should I Do?”

Q: My girlfriend and I had sex with a condom. I know it is wrong and I did it. I feel incredibly guilty and feel like I’m going to hell. What should I do? Is there anyway of turning back to Christ? – J.P.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is good to remember that, if you really love someone, you will do anything to try to help that person grow in holiness and get to heaven. Part of that equation means helping the other person live chastely.

Having premarital sex is wrong. You realize that much already, which is a step in the right direction. The important thing now is to repent, resolve not to fall into this sin again, get to confession.

Chastity is one of the best preparations for marriage. It instills discipline, engenders respect between a man and a woman, gives the both of you the space to become friends, and afford you the chance to find non-sexual ways of showing your love for each other.

All this would help you in marriage, for the simple fact that spouses will often have to show their love in non-sexual ways. And you want to be best friends with your spouse. That is the deep kind of bond that will help the both of you. (Three Hearts: A Retreat Guide on the Sacrament of Marriage is a helpful way to better understand God’s vision for marriage and sexuality.)

You might want to encourage your friend to get to confession. Then come up with a concrete plan to protect your chastity: no late nights alone in an apartment or house, no prolonged physical contact, etc.

Intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. You need the grace of God to live chastely. He is willing to give it to you. But you need to do your part. It might be good for you and your girlfriend to watch some spiritual videos together – such as this retreat guide on Advent called “Starlight.”

For more reading see the Chastity Project site HERE.

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