View all Ask a Priest | November 24, 2017
“Ask a Priest: How Should I React When Gay “Spouses” Want a Baby?”
Q: I work with a girl who is married to another girl and they are planning on going through the insemination process to have a baby. I get along with this girl well, and we have a great relationship. However, I do not agree with what she is doing and I was wondering when she invites me to the baby shower or once she gets pregnant, how should I handle this? I want to be respectful yet want her to know I do not support that type of behavior. Would appreciate your advice. Thanks so much! — J
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: This situation is a sad commentary on the state of modernity. You might want to check out my an earlier post I wrote HERE.
Beyond that, the act of artificial insemination to produce a baby is a grave offense against the child. Children have a right to be conceived in love within a stable marriage between a man and a woman. This artificial procedure treats children like products to be manufactured, not as gifts of God to be welcomed.
This procedure also involves a morally illicit act by the man providing the seed. Moreover, the intention of these partners is to effectively deny giving the child a father figure.
Whether there is anything to celebrate in all this is hard to see. Perhaps your obvious lack of enthusiasm for these plans would send a signal to this woman and make her rethink what she is doing. That is a long shot, but it’s worth a try.
On the other hand, your silence over these matters and/or attendance at the “festive” events could be construed as your support for both the “marriage” and the artificial means that led to the birth of the baby. This could be a cause of scandal, especially to someone who perceives you as a practicing Christian.
It is notable that you mention having a “great relationship” with this co-worker. Great relationships ideally are those where people help each other either grow in holiness or move closer to the truth.
Holiness and truth are not incompatible, of course, but I mention truth because even a non-believer who seeks it can benefit from the presence of a committed Christian.
Would you consider your relationship with her great because you can share your faith with her? Could you share your concerns with her about the well-being of a child brought into a same-sex relationship?
Now might be a good moment for you to be a true friend. Instead of waiting for your friend to move ahead with the artificial insemination, why not invite her out to lunch and have a nice, long, heart-to-heart conversation about why you believe what you believe, and why you believe that the path she is following will not lead her to happiness, since it is a path that travels far away from God’s beautiful dream for our lives?
You cannot predict how she may respond to that conversation, but as her friend, a conversation like that could be a true moment of grace.
I’ll just leave these questions with you for now. At times we have “great relationships” with people with peculiar lifestyles because we don’t challenge them in a loving way.
Perhaps this is something to take to prayer. In any case, this woman and her partner and “their” baby will need lots of prayer.
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