“Ask a Priest: What If a Roommate Wants Her Boyfriend to Stay With Her?”

Q: I am in university, and one of my flat mates who is non-Catholic / non-religious asked me if it was okay for me if she brought her boyfriend to stay with her (in her room). We will be sharing the same bathroom and kitchen as her, but she and her boyfriend will be in her room as we have individual rooms. I was wondering if it was okay that I said it’s fine by me or should I have said no. This is because she is not a Christian, so I thought there was no purpose telling her about the chance of sin because they are not religious and don’t even know the fundamental beliefs, and I just met her only a few weeks ago. I am just scared of sinning. Thank you for your help. – T.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is certainly legitimate for you to tell your roomie that you aren’t comfortable with a man staying overnight, regardless of the moral implications. You have a right to feel safe in your own home.

You mention that this woman is one of your flat mates. If you are in an apartment with multiple rooms and shared living space, you might want to look at the legal side.

For instance, are overnight guests allowed in your flat? There might be legal rules that tie your hands – or perhaps give you leverage, if the lease limits the number of people allowed on the premises overnight.

In any case, you are justified in not wanting to support anything that you know or believe to be objectively sinful or at least a near occasion of grave sin.

It’s understandable that you roommate might not be familiar with basic moral norms if she indeed is “non-religious.”

Perhaps your roomie’s question caught you by surprise and you didn’t want to go into “lecture mode.” Nevertheless, your acquiescence could be construed as approval.

You might want to approach your roommate in a calm moment, and say that her initial question caught you off-guard, but that, on second thought, you don’t feel comfortable with having a man on the premises overnight.

You could explain that the prospect of bumping into a man in the middle of the night in the bathroom is not appealing.

If pressed, you could also share your beliefs about chastity, etc.

Perhaps you might take this to prayer first. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and your roomie. Try praying and offering sacrifices for her. Jesus wants her to get to heaven, too.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type your question HERE, and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…