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“Ask a Priest: Why Didn’t God Protect Me From a Devious Boyfriend?”
Q: My relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry ended recently. He lied and hid information from me. If God knows all things, why didn’t God protect me from this man a long time ago? I am left feeling that if you lie and treat people bad, there are no consequences … just a broken heart for the person deceived. – L.T.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC
A: I’m sorry to hear about your situation.
You were fortunate, nevertheless, to discover the deception now, before the wedding took place. That in itself might be an example of how God was close by and helping to protect you.
You are a beloved daughter of God. We are all loved by him. Yet, that doesn’t mean we won’t experience the cross in our lives.
God doesn’t desire evil in our lives, but he does allow it, so that he can bring something good out of it.
But there seems to be another kind of deception at work: the deception that somehow God was complicit in causing you pain.
Perish the thought that Our Lord wanted you to suffer at the hands of a deceptive boyfriend. Our Lord doesn’t want any of us to suffer due to the sins of others.
God gives us free will because he wants us to freely love him. He respects our freedom, even when we choose poorly and cause negative consequences for others. But the fault lies with the sinner, not the Almighty.
All that aside, it might be good to ask yourself what you have learned about yourself and life from this broken relationship.
Were you missing telltale signs that this man was deceptive? Sometimes we project our wildest hopes on other people, thinking that they will solve all our problems and fulfill our dreams.
Here we need to be careful. The only one ultimately who will fill our hearts is Christ. Him alone we can trust totally. The rest of us are flawed humans.
You imply that there seem to be no consequences for deceivers. On the contrary, people who lie and deceive and don’t repent will face a day of reckoning sooner or later, in this world or the next. They are more to be pitied than envied; for in the end, they deceive themselves.
For now, it might be good to focus on the Man who loves you more than anyone else does: Jesus. Try meditating on a crucifix and see what Our Lord was willing to suffer for love of you.
That can reassure you that someone loves you dearly. That can help you feel more secure in your identity — and perhaps less prone to be taken in by deceivers in the future.
So, take your heartache to Jesus; he too knows what it means to be betrayed. Ask him to heal your heart. He might have a great mission ahead for you.
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True Father. It ‘rains on the just and the unjust.’ Meaning: just because one is attending to the Sacramental graces of Christ’s church: ONE, Holy, Apostolic . . . universal FAITH in a triune God, Father, creator Son, redeemer, held together by Holy Spirit, counselor… just because by that water that went over the head (Baptism) we, human come back under the grace of God and DO EVERYTHING as we ought as taught…
It does not make us immune to those still struggling with the faith IN GOD or immune to run into those ‘false prophets’ who can speak such nice sounding words ‘with a smile’ but are TOTALLY in ‘the world’ of flesh.
God the Father didn’t want His ONLY Divine son to suffer the ‘cross’ . . . His permissive will allowed it, so that His SOVEREIGN WILL would come to be. In the case of the Supreme Sacrifice, Christ died ‘for the sins of the world’ . . . that all who embraced HIS WAY (prayer, meekness, humble, BUT NOT DUMB) would grow in THE ONE HOLY BODY (holy family of God) Faith is a gift given by that supreme sacrifice, to those who ‘act on’
His son’s words: Be baptized in the name of Father, Son, Holy Spirit. then we are to ‘work out’ this salvation, by the Faith In prACTice’ (religious actions: taking and eating of blessed bread…as CHRIST said to do, John
Chapter 6 verse 54) Take it with PURITY of LOVE (aka state of grace aka NO KNOWN other world view as one takes and eats) Follow those 10 Commandments. Avoid temptations to do what is subjectively good or ‘sounds good’ … ie: buy a lottery ticket, GET RICH, spend the wages at a casino GET RICH… ok, on occasion its ok to buy a lottery ticket or maybe spend what one CAN lose in a casino… RARE but ok. But, if one thinks the way to wealth is QUICK … one is deceived by ‘the world.’
Anyone of opposite sex who suggests ‘just living with’ without commitment before witnesses at the altar of ‘sacrifice’ . . . is NOT of the love of God but self. Kids play house, mature spirits want a lifetime commitment of LOVE… the marital bond that requires sacrifice (bringing new souls to the world, and all the work that goes with raising them up… and making that adult soul HOLY… wholly sacrificing for the good of another)
Nothing of authentic worth ‘comes easy.’ including growth in faith and God’s grace. It takes the persistent
‘taking and eating’ of what ‘to natural eye’ seems ‘just bread’ . . . but by the words of faith, asking Christ to
come to the bread and OUR FAITH ‘that God can do anything’ (including come to earth as He did and what we celebrate as Christmas) Yes as we consume Him, HE will CONSUME us … fill us, MAKE US SANCTIFIED,
aka WHOLLY IN TUNE to His guidance by the HOLY SPIRIT, counselor.
. . . but sometimes we STILL get fooled and hurt… IN THE WORLD. All this is so we ‘grow in WISDOM AND STATURE with GOD… and with humankind. (ie we know who we can trust and who we should keep a bit of
cordial distance from) and not be led to places that are not good choices of entertainment)
Forgive oneself, say a prayer for the deceptive boyfriend (don’t tell him) to pray for is to forgive. And change any ways that ‘lead to wrong ideas’ . . . to change aka repent.